dead inside

Sometimes I wish I was still a little kid, who could get excited over the smallest things.

the middle.

I've had my blog posting page open for a week. I think I have writer's block, which is stupid because this blog is supposed to be about what's going on in my life, my own thoughts, etc. How can I have such a hard time writing about what I've been thinking about, or what's been going on with me? Is my life so void of provoking thoughts and exciting/interesting occurrences that I can't even fill up ONE blog entry?  

So I'm sitting outside right now, trying really hard to think of something to write about. The only thing that has really been bugging me right now is jobhunting.  Sure, for the past year or so, I've been looking for a new job, but it's really been stressing me out recently.  Though I doubt new employment will solve all my life's problems, I feel that without a new job, everything is on hold, like I'm to move forward with my life but I'm stuck on pause-mode.   It's like trying to listen to a song on a cd, but the track keeps skipping right before it gets to the good part. 

I don't know why, but I'm desperate for change, for my life to take a new direction.  I'm 26years old, but I feel like I'm 21 going on 30.  I see other friends and counterparts progressing in their lives and I'm jealous. Do I deserve to be in a better position than I am now? Probably not, but I've always grown up feeling entitled to the better things in life. I'm spoiled, I can't help it. And as desperate as I am to find a new job, there's no way I'm going to settle and take a shit-position at some insurance-defense firm where more attorneys quit on a weekly basis than they are hired. 

Maybe this is where I'm supposed to be right now.  I've been to point A and I'm desperately trying to get to point B, but I'm stuck in the Middle.  And I'm pretty sure I'm going to be here for awhile, I guess I should get used to it.