perpetual stress

Since paying off my credit cards last Spring, I swore to myself that things would be different.  I would never rack up debt again, I would begin to save for the future, and live like a responsible 20something year old.  Little did I realize how difficult and stressful that would be.
I set pretty lofty goals for myself regarding saving money, and I feel like shit for not having lived up to these arbitrary objectives.  But it's hard out there for a young, irresponsible male in his mid twenties!  I have to pay for dinners at mid-range restaurants, cover rounds of shots/drinks at various bars, and empty out my wallet on personal upkeep (clothes, haircuts), and it's hard to skimp on these self-professed necessities.  I even promised to pay my girlfriend's cable and utility bills for her apartment. It only makes sense, since I'm practically living there. 
Still, due to all these necessary (fine, not-all-that-necessary) expenditures, I am spending more than I am saving, and in the end, I feel like I'm in the same exact situation  as I was when I was debt-ridden.  I was supposed to be working my way to my goal , like a runner in a marathon pacing his way towards the finish line. Only in my situation, I'm not even in the marathon yet, I'm still running in place. On a treadmill. At the gym. 
I'm hoping that things will turn around, that I'll eventually save more money and do what I want to do in life.  But I'm also my worst critic, and am pretty skeptical of any change.  If my circumstances don't change soon, and if I don't own up to my responsibilities, I'm pretty sure I'll be perpetually stuck in this life-mode for a lot longer.


fingers crossed.

lazy

I haven't updated in a month! It's hard to keep this site up to date when:
1. I hate so much the way this blog looks, and despise Blogger's dashboard/design settings.
2. I have such a hard time collecting my thoughts into cohesive blog entries.
3. I'm super lazy.

I'm going to try to transfer this blog to another server, and get a fresh start.