heavy

This blog feels heavy. 

I don't know if it's the change in seasons or if I'm just feeling less troubled, but looking at this blog makes me feel weighed down.  It's like I'm floating around, holding onto hundreds of balloon strings...as soon as I read my blog, the balloons go : pop : pop : pop :.   There's nothing I can do about the asshole pessimistic undertones of my previous blog entries, though I can try to cure that.  Maybe a site overhaul will make a difference.

I didn't realize how much the weather affected my mood.  Having suffered through one of the crappiest winters NYC has experienced in a long time, I was kicking my heels like a leprechaun the first day the Sun decided to shine through and temperatures broke the 45degree barrier.  It was pure bliss...for about a week, until the temperatures dropped again.  My mood goes from ecstatic to wretched every time the weather rubberbands up and down. I can't wait for Spring to arrive, chill and hang out for awhile.

blahhhh

i don't wanna grow up. 

one step forward, two steps back.

Yesterday, i paid off my HSBC credit card in its entirety (there was only $100 left). It was so satisfying seeing my balance go down to $0.00, like i accomplished some great feat.  I felt like I was finally heading in the right direction.

Later that night, I went out to Geisha to celebrate a friend's birthday.  I didn't want to go but my other friend accused me of being a cheapass, so I foolishly decided to go to prove my non-cheapassness.  The meal came out to $128 per person.  One Hundred Twenty Eight fucking dollars.  What. the. fuck. I don't mind planning in advance to eat at an amazing restaurant, with the knowledge that I would be spending a shitload, but I was completely blindsided.  The waitress (of course) recommended the 5 course tasting menu (which would have to be ordered by everyone at the table). Worried looks were exchanged, but everyone was too timid to object.  I already have a reputation for being  a party-pooping ahole, so it was not in my best interest to speak up at this time.  However, never again am I going to let myself spend that much unless I absolutely can and want to.

Happy Birthday friend, but I won't be celebrating with you for the next 3 years. hahaha.

almost there...

Back in January, I wrote about how I need to get my financial situation "in check."  I gave myself an April deadline to pay off all of my credit card debt, and so far, SO GOOD!  I'm almost there.  I haven't been as diligent as I should have been with regards to making payments (originally I intended to pay a flat amount ever week-- ended up being much more sporadic), but I'm SO relieved that soon, sooner than soon, I'll be debt-free.

...at least until I buy something and charge it to my credit card.  Hopefully I've learned my lesson: Credit Cards are the Devil.

mini update

wow, it's hard to stay consistent with a blog.  i actually get stressed out when i don't update in a long time--it gnaws at me like i'm ignoring some huge responsibility.

during the past few weeks i was inspired to write so many entries on various interesting subjects but didn't have time to transfer my thoughts onto figurative paper.  so now, i have nothing to write about, except maybe some updates on what's going on in my life:

• still looking for a new job.  i've been at my current job for over a year now.  this time last year i told myself "six months tops!"  it's bad enough that i'm not proactive about jobhunting, but the job market is still in the dumps as well. 

• my friends and i booked a trip for san francisco in may/june.  i haven't gone on a trip with this specific group of friends in a long time, so hopefully it'll be good times. plus, it'll be a good opportunity to catch up with my college buddy (who's been doing his residency in SF) before he gets married in august.

• speaking of marriage, nothing of that sort is in my near future (cue Handel's "Messiah").  i was emailing with another old college buddy of mine, and he mentioned that someone told him rosa and i were getting married soon. yes, marriage has been on my mind for awhile, but neither rosa or i are ready to get married.  and this whole rat race of "Who's next!?!?" shouldn't make me feel pressured to take that next step.

i wish i had deeper, more thoughtful things to discuss. oh well.

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